While Life Goes On, I did Things Too
“Life is precious because you can’t watch it again”
I recently finished watching After Life, the series directed and written by Ricky Gervais. Its final episode concluded perfectly with Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” playing in the background. I didn’t realize I was shedding tears while smiling as the credits rolled.
Ricky Gervais, as Tony, is a journalist who struggles to cope with life after his wife’s death. Every day, he watches his wife’s video before starting his day. Also, every day he wants to die. As the series progresses and the character develops episode by episode, I find this series very beautiful, blending poignant moments with dark comedy.
In the first season, all Tony does is attempt suicide (which fails, thanks to his annoying close friends). The second season is about how he opens up to someone (which also fails, as no one can replace his wife). The final season is about him finding joy in supporting other people.
At the end of the final episode, Tony reflects on happy moments with his wife while watching his loved ones, his closest people enjoying themselves. It becomes evident to him — and the audience — that happiness can also stem from others’. Just look around!
I haven’t felt my heart full after watching something for a long time, usually, I just move on and move on. But After Life fills me with love and joy. It tells me how to experience grief while facing the absurdity of a world that goes on and doesn’t care about your suffering.
Over recent years, I’ve encountered various sorrows — loss, despair, failure, and more. Typically, I cope by allowing myself to feel sadness and be ready to face everything again when it’s time. I forget how to deal with it specifically, but I’m sure everyone processes grief differently; I find solace in pausing, reminiscent of Banana Yoshimoto’s character in Kitchen, who finds comfort near the refrigerator’s hum.
Loss remains the most unavoidable sorrow. No matter how tightly we cling, our grip inevitably slips away. Losing my mom at a young age taught me the profound and unfillable void of losing someone irreplaceable, despite my dad’s remarriage.
For years, I focused on my loss of a mother figure, but it wasn’t until I grew up that I realized my father was also grieving the loss of his wife while navigating the role of both mother and father for me and my brother.
After Life mirrored this complexity, as Tony acknowledged his brother-in-law’s loss despite his own overwhelming grief.
Meanwhile, despair and failure — often unseen — are underestimated sorrows, perceived by some as signs of human weakness. It’s frustrating to feel misunderstood, and unable to control others’ perceptions as life continues its course.
Whenever I feel despair, when I’m ready to go out, I just look around. 8 billion people experienced their day differently.
Yet, amidst life’s relentless pace, taking a pause allows us to confront sorrows and find renewed strength to move forward with clarity and resilience. Whenever despair strikes, remember: amidst 8 billion daily experiences, someone is falling in love while another falls out; someone celebrates while another mourns.
It’s all part of trying to figure out life, how to live it and navigate its twists and turns, and that’s okay. I'll be okay, I'll grow as the world keeps spinning. This is my reminder.
PS: Thank you, Ricky Gervais, for creating After Life! ♡
