Turn my 27 years into a postcard
I turned 27 today, three years younger than Julie from Joachim Trier’s The Worst Person in the World, who felt like she was just a spectator in her own life. Sometimes, I wonder if I’m the same.
As you get older, you might feel like it’s not really a time to celebrate, but a time to reflect or contemplate. Maybe I’ll just do both, not in the party kind of celebration, but in the quiet kind: 27 postcards of my 27 years being alive.
1. As long as you continue to say the words “one day”, the dream is not over
It’s from the book What Are You Looking For is In The Library. Saying “one day” may sound vague or uncertain, but it’s also a quiet promise, isn’t it? I live through it.
2. Let it rip, dude!
I’ll let the dead Mikey Berzatto haunt me, smiling through the sun’s reflection at Carmy, if it means I can keep believing I could’ve done better.
3. Award Season: what was pain now’s gain
Look back and see how I made it through. Maybe my 15-year-old self is nodding at me right now.
4. And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survived
Again, it’s from the book! It’s Haruki Murakami’s Kafka on the Shore. He tells me what the storm is all about. I won’t be the same person who walked into the storm.
5. What do you want to liberate from?
Break free from the feelings that hold me back. Keep whatever makes me smile throughout the day, please.
6. Stay hungry, really
Maybe it’s not just about experience. It’s about how my mindset shifts every second. I want to stay hungry, so I can keep gaining more.
7. Step out and stay alive
I think that no statistic or prejudice can limit us as a woman, to follow some lame standard. We just need to step out while alive, really alive.
8. Now is now; next time is next time
No explanation needed. Just Wim Wenders’ Perfect Days living in my soul.
9. The moon is always pretty
Going home at night often brings its own kind of tiredness. But looking up at the sky and realizing the moon is staring back at me feels like the best way to end the day. Don’t stop!
10. The greatest pleasure in life is to eat good food and talking about how good the food is
I think it started in my early twenties, the way I clap, cover my face, and yap about my food when it tastes absolutely perfect. And honestly, it’s the best feeling ever.
11. Please read any Osamu Dazai’s books so you know the other side of the world
I keep reminding myself that if I’ve had the worst day and can’t feel any happiness, he had it far worse back then. Rest in peace.
12. When life is so packed, look at the green color
When schedule gets too busy, I step out of to look at the trees outside. Breathe!
13. Closure is a thing, but to forget is a thing too
It’s not fear that stops me, it’s the bell that not everything needs to be cleared up. Some things are better left as they are.
14. What Jimbocho taught me: slow, steady, and stay
My visit to Jimbocho changed me. Slow, look at the shelves, choose one. Steady, keep your mind on the familiar sight of people reading. Stay, don’t rush, just rest. Take me back, please.
15. If you want to gain something, you have to brave enough to leave something too
I’ve lost count of the tragedies that have happened, but one thing I’ve learned is to have that kind of mindset. Better things always come after that.
16. Listen to José González and Bon Iver just to feel something
Just drive and smile.
17. Grief has no single path
Thank you, Yandy Laurens and Donna Tartt, for quietly showing me a few of grief’s many rooms, and no one can judge how people grieve.
18. Whatever it is, you had to live through. It’s nothing compare to being born
This line is from Breasts and Eggs by Mieko Kawakami. Being born is already a thing, just please keep on living.
19. Find things that make you love your mundane life
Finding joy in the mundane has helped me through so much. People-watching, tree-watching, dozing off at a rest area. All of it!
20. The abstract means of longing keep you alive
I can’t quite put it into words. It’s abstract and complex, but somehow, I really like the idea of longing.
21. I hope you eat the tastiest food
It reminds me that the most profound forms of love and kindness are often the simplest.
22. Choose something you can look forward to every day
Just like a dream, it keeps me running through the day, movie and music releases, upcoming trips, and anything else that brings a little thrill.
23. It’s okay, you can always watch movies
My kind of therapy. Whatever happens, good or bad, I always go pick some movies to match my mood. It’s the best therapy in the world! Don’t mind! It’s fine!
24. Someday, you’ll love a stranger unconditionally
It was a weird yet warm feeling when my niece was born. For the first time in my life, I felt an overwhelming urge to love, cherish, and protect a human who couldn’t even speak or recognize me yet. Now, she just enrolled kindergarten and my love keeps growing for her.
25. Every experience counts
It’s my mantra whenever something unpleasant happens. It’s fine, I’ve got that experience now — nothing to regret. I remember thinking this when I was hiking a mountain and an earthquake hit, 6 on the Richter scale. Yep, been there.
26. Pause. Look at everything
When my head feels too full, just pause. Be the spectator, not the main character, for once.
27. Casually write ‘more’ and life is limitless
Write the goals. Do it. Forget it.
Write the goals. Do it. Forget it.
Then one day, I look back. Wow, I reached that.
Will keep doing that for the rest of my life.
These 27 postcards are pieces of my 27 years stitched into words. Some are lessons, some are reminder, some are simply ways I choose to live.
I once wondered what I should do to become better. But now, the fact that I simply enjoy living is the thing I’m most grateful for and that’s good enough for me. Not everyone gets to feel this way, though.
When I look back, I realize I have been living in line with the hopes my younger self once had for me. I’m still on the right track. And that makes me happy to be alive, here and now.
And for all the years to come, I will keep writing, doing, forgetting, and living.
